Mrs. J’s Story
Growing up, becoming a stripper was never on my radar. It was only after I moved to Guam to be with my military boyfriend that I even went to a strip club for the first time. Later, I learned that he was friends with a few of the girls who worked there.
One night, we went to a club nearby to meet up with another couple. After a while, the girl casually started to teach me some moves. She thought I was very good and started complimenting me profusely, telling me: “You should totally do this!”
I was very shy, but eventually I decided to contact the club managers. This led to a series of fights with my boyfriend, but eventually, I went in. They hired me.
The first night I worked, I came home with a huge sum of money — $1000! Twenty-two-year-old me never had that much in her pocket before, nor was she used to earning it in a single day. It was great.
I worked in that premier club for a year and half. I also met my best friend there, who was a dancer too. Because of this shared experience, she is one of the few people who understands everything about me. She is someone with whom I can be my whole self.
My time as a dancer was one of the most impactful and positive experiences of my life, but I never danced again after I left Guam. Now, almost twenty years later, I work as a social worker in a medical setting. I work with individuals between 3-80, many of whom have significant economic and educational barriers. My current employer, co-workers and supervisors have no idea that I was a stripper before — and though I would really love to share that part of my life with them, I fear misunderstandings.
I am a woman who was empowered by dancing, and also one who is currently a professional in an entirely different field. I am not one without the other. Both are a part of me — and yet, I feel compelled to hide this piece of myself from most of the people in my current circle in order to avoid others' fears, criticisms and unfair judgements.
I am not perfect, but I have always tried to live my life fully. I have no regrets, but I still feel a constant sense of tension as I continue to hide this part of my life. Someday, I hope that I will be able to share my complete self with everyone. In the meantime, I’ll just keep living as joyfully and lovingly as I can.
Artist Notes
“J talks about her life as a dancer in Guam, which is represented on the left side of the scale. She describes how powerful and impactful that part of her life was, and I represent her happiness and contentment with the blooms (red core and white petals). The right side of the scale denotes her current life as a social worker and how she comforts many people in need. The green creeper below this side of the scale denotes her personal growth and the positive impact that she is having on other people’s lives. Mrs. J talks of wanting to reveal her past to the people in her present, but fearing judgement and rejection, so that she is sort of forced to hide it. This experience is represented by the broken wall in the middle of the scale. The orange background indicates that she is following her passion no matter what role she is taking up. ”
Published May 1, 2020
Updated Oct 25, 2022
Published in Issue VI: Identity