Mrs. SM's Story
Growing up in India, I saw all the women in my immediate and extended families get married and have children. Society presented these activities as a rite of passage, and everyone was impressed upon to abide by them. It’s true that I was extremely drawn to kids from a very young age, and my maternal instinct was always strong—but I suspect such social expectations in India (and later in the United States, where I now live) played some role in my desires.
Thanks in part to these same social expectations, unfortunately, many cultures treat infertility as a taboo. People do not seem to know how to react when someone speaks to them about their struggle to conceive children. Perhaps they think of it as “bedroom business”, and therefore shy away from the subject. Perhaps, too, their discomfort stems from a belief that an admission of infertility threatens the speaker's validity as a man or woman.
When the topic of infertility is discussed, women are frequently presumed to be the cause of the problems. This presumption is untrue. Many men struggle with infertility issues, too. In my case, the problem was both with me and my husband (though it did turn out to be more me than him).
It is important for me to talk openly about my infertility so that people become more comfortable with the topic. I was diagnosed with a condition called “diminished ovarian reserve”, which means my body produces fewer eggs than is considered normal, and the eggs it does produce have chromosomal abnormalities. To overcome this obstacle, I underwent two surgeries, numerous additional small procedures, routine testing, and multiple intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) and in vitro fertilizations (IVFs). I made drastic changes to my lifestyle, including giving up alcohol, dairy, caffeine and processed foods. I went through a lengthy phase of asking “why me?” and felt compelled to deactivate Facebook to avoid seeing pregnancy announcements.
After several years without success, my husband and I finally conceived, but even then our journey was not always easy. During my pregnancy, we worried constantly that something would go wrong, yet somehow the experience brought us closer together. My immediate family was also incredibly supportive, flying back and forth between the United States and India numerous times, and in the end, at last, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The first few months following my daughter’s birth were magical. I still remember standing in front of the mirror holding her with tears rolling down my cheeks and wondering how I got so lucky.
My advice to those who are going through infertility issues is this: don’t be afraid to talk about it. Find people with whom you feel comfortable sharing your story, and hold on to them — we all need support sometimes. Sure, it might feel a little strange to go against the social norms that push us to keep this topic off limits, but talking about infertility is important. It plays a crucial role in helping those who experience it feel normal.
Artist Notes
“This image shows a woman with a maternity gown and flowers. A baby is the sweet guest she wants to welcome, but this guest doesn’t arrive yet. Waiting for the arrival of a baby is frustrating in the first place, and on top of this there are the invasive questions from others she has to answer. Here, the baby seems to be flying higher and higher as if it is going out of reach, symbolising the late arrival. The balloons the baby is holding shows that this guest finally arrives, which calls for a celebration.”
Published Mar 1, 2020
Updated Aug 23, 2023
Published in Issue V: Taboos