Damian's Story
Some years ago, I met a man in his 50s on Grindr. He began texting me, and eventually we started chatting. I was not particularly interested in him sexually, but I guess he was testing the waters in some way, because gradually, he started mentioning his interest in BDSM, and that caught my attention. After agreeing on mutual privacy, we decided to meet.
Despite being a casual sex worker, I was new to the world of BDSM at the time, so he would instruct me on what to do. Gradually, I got savvy through the sessions we shared together. For example, I would be completely dressed and he would be totally naked, and I would start hitting his testicles gently, gradually increasing the intensity of it. A lot of other scenarios along similar lines would happen, usually lasting for about 30 minutes. In the beginning, I would ask for his permission to do certain things, but after a while I stopped asking and took control — because that was how he wanted it. I had all the power and I was in control, while he was in a helpless position.
There was another man in his late 40s, whom I would meet casually. He wanted me to dress like a jock (in sporty or gym clothes) and play a totally dominant role, doing things like walking on his body and resting my feet on his face, while he remained totally submissive. Even these encounters were not sexual — they were just role play.
In both of these examples, the men were very rich and influential. They held powerful positions in Los Angeles society, and people looked up to them. It’s possible they were so used to their power that they craved experiences on the other side of the spectrum, where they could be totally powerless and looked down upon. In any case, there was no actual sex with these men because I was not really attracted to them — I was more drawn to their kinks and the role playing, and our preferences matched because I would always play the dominant role.
Many might wonder why I would choose to engage in these activities with men for whom I feel no sexual attraction. First of all, I am paid for what I am doing, so I ask myself, “why not?” Besides that, I do enjoy this kind of power play, where I am able to take control and steer the session the way I choose, and they appreciate my sexual positivity and my openness to trying something new. My willingness has helped them explore their kinks, and it’s helped me to evolve over time, as well.
I don't think it is etched in stone for me that I will always play the dominant role — I might be willing to be submissive with someone to whom I am sexually attracted, though I have not done so thus far. As I said, I have evolved: after that first BDSM experience, I started getting more and more interested in it and started exploring. I have since attended many BDSM parties, where I have met numerous fascinating people who are extremely open about everything. They are comfortable in their skin — and that makes me comfortable too.
For more about Damian, follow him on Instagram.
Artist Notes
“Damian is standing in the illustration wearing cowboy clothes, holding a whip, showing how he is in control of the whole situation while the other person who is seated is being controlled. There are other BDSM tools shown in the illustration too, to make it a complete BDSM scene.”
Published Mar 1, 2020
Updated Aug 23, 2023
Published in Issue V: Taboos