Chloe Lovely
Chloe Lovely
Occupation: Escort, Dominatrix, and Activist
Location: Brooklyn, NY
The Sex in My Business: I’m an escort, domme, and activist living in Brooklyn. When I’m not seeing clients or managing my administrative tasks, I’m working towards building a grassroots organization that helps sex workers in need. Many people believe my job is only about sex — and, of course, sex is obviously part of it. But in my sessions with clients, my work really focuses more on healing wounds, and in allowing people the experience of being seen the way they want to be seen. Sex workers are front-line workers in providing people the help they need to explore and understand their sexuality. I’ve been someone’s first sexual partner, and I’ve been the first partner someone’s been with after they’ve transitioned genders. I feel a tremendous honor and responsibility to be able to meet someone in their moments of vulnerability and change.
My activism, on the other hand, is centered around people who work within the sex industry. I volunteer with SWOP Brooklyn, a sex worker-led grassroots organization, where I offer emergency funds to workers in need. I also provide harm reduction tools like clean needles and Narcan.
A Typical Day: My day-to-day life is painfully monotonous, contrary to what many might think. Most of my days are filled with administrative tasks: checking emails, managing my ads, posting on Twitter. I hate maintaining my social media profile but it really helps me procure clients, as many of them feel more comfortable paying for my time once they glimpse a version of my candid life. Lately though, I’ve been prioritizing longer bookings, so I haven’t been seeing clients as frequently, and that has thankfully freed up a lot of my time for activist work.
The Best Part: The best part of being a sex worker for me is being a part of the sex work community. We are often marginalized or seen as disposable in some way: disabled and neurodivergent, undocumented, LGBT, etc. Because of this shared struggle, the community tends to be loving and forgiving, and doesn’t focus too much on adhering to mainstream standards of “normal”.
The Worst Part: The biggest negative thing about being a sex worker is the constant legislative attacks against the industry. I live with the persistent fear that lawmakers will pass new laws that impede my ability to work safely — or to work at all. FOSTA-SESTA, for example, shuttered advertising sites and increased my overall anxiety about surveillance. It’s frustrating to see the conflation of consensual sex work with trafficking, and especially when it is used to justify the destruction of people’s livelihoods.
How I Got Here: When I was a recent college graduate, my life was upended by a traumatic car accident that left me disabled for two years. Afterward, I lost a lot of weight and felt a need to reckon with my new body. I had been working in non-profits, but I was disillusioned with how little change these organizations can actually make. I wanted more flexibility, more money and less micromanagement, so I auditioned at a club and became a stripper. I worked as a dancer for five years or so, and I dipped my toes into various jobs within the sex trade along the way until I decided that being an escort and domme suited me best.
What Society Thinks: Society has a hypocritical view of sex work. People praise celebrities for wearing fetish and BDSM clothing, they sing along with their favorite singer’s lyrics about strip clubs, but very few are willing to voice support for the decriminalization of the world’s oldest profession. Movies love to explore the so-called underground world of sex work, but there’s still a lingering sense that sex workers aren’t human. The idea that we deserve basic rights and dignity still feels like a very radical, foreign concept.
I do believe perceptions are changing, though. We’re in a critical moment in which sex workers are getting to tell their own stories. They are going live on the air to share their experiences and being paid to publish essays about the harms of criminalization. So, there’s reason for me to feel both pessimistic and optimistic about what the future will look like for us.
When I’m Not at Work: I like being out in nature. I enjoy going on hikes, tubing down rivers with friends, and exploring abandoned properties — I feel best when I’m out and about. I’m also a painter, and I really appreciate the free time sex work gives me to focus on my art.
Published in Issue X: Clash of Ideologies