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The modern world can be a minefield for men. Cultural norms about how men and women behave, as well as their roles in society, are constantly being challenged — some for the better, some for the worse. Meanwhile, suicide remains the biggest killer of men under 50, opportunities in higher education and the labor market continue to diminish, and both incels and the manosphere have emerged as a cultural force. Whichever way you look at it, more and more men feel lost and unsure of their purpose in life.

As Western culture continues to evolve in ways that place less importance on traditionally masculine attributes, society seems to increasingly treat men as though they were defective women. If only men were more sensitive, emotionally communicative, and open about their feelings, this thinking goes, everything would improve. But if we want to discuss the motivators that actually matter to men, it’s worth considering an old saying: if women are sex objects, then men are success objects. Society has worked hard to challenge the idea that women are defined by their looks, but there’s been little progress when it comes to men. The expectation remains: a man’s worth is judged by his achievements, his income, and his ability to provide.

Polling shows that compared to men, women are four times more likely to say they would not date a partner who earns less than them, and two and a half times more likely to show heightened interest in the dating profiles of high-earning men. In the US, 69% of women say they’d be “uncomfortable” footing the majority of the bills, and in a UK survey, fully 60% of women said they would not date a man after finding out he makes less money than them. But while societal expectations for men to be providers still persist, young men today face a different reality. Many aren’t anywhere near marriage or fatherhood, yet they’re struggling to find direction in a world where traditional male roles are shifting. With high divorce rates, a decline in marriage, and far too many fatherless homes, a generation of young men is growing up without strong role models, leaving them unsure of what it means to be a man.

Out of this wilderness, unlikely heroes and anti-heroes arose. First came Jordan Peterson, who connected with men by addressing the real issues they faced, offering structure and comfort through his advice. Eventually, Peterson moved away from this focus, leaving a void that was soon filled by self-proclaimed misogynist Andrew Tate and other manosphere influencers.

Facing charges of sex trafficking, grooming underage girls, and sex with a minor, Tate could not be further from someone who should be looked up to. And yet, his brand of masculinity has attracted tens of millions of young men searching for guidance. In fact, a 2023 poll of 16-25-year-old males in the UK found that nearly a third considered Andrew Tate a “role model.” Many young men are drawn to his confidence and wealth, but Tate’s version of masculinity hinges on cruelty, abusive behavior, and dominance over others, particularly women. It’s a blueprint for being a degenerate if not a criminal.

If we want better role models, we need to offer something healthier, because the simple fact is that Andrew Tate and those like him are resonating. Many young men are desperate for direction from someone strong, someone who “tells it like it is”, someone who doesn’t just advise them to act more like women. Not only does such advice fail to account for male psychology and basic sex differences, but research suggests that men who follow it often find themselves less attractive to women as a result. The modern world tells men to be softer, but the reality is, it rarely helps them thrive.

You don’t have to like or agree with Andrew Tate to recognise that he’s the Frankenstein monster our culture created. After decades of neglecting men’s struggles, branding masculinity as inherently “toxic”, and fuelling division between the sexes, we are now in dire need of positive male figures. Young men need role models they can admire, aspire to be, and learn from — leaders who can help them become the best version of themselves.

As a dad to two boys and a writer who’s been on the men’s advice beat for a number of years with my Bi.org column “Ask a Bi Dad”, I personally feel the selection of role models is looking rather slim. For me, a male role model should present himself well, exemplify character and integrity, and be relatable. He should be someone I could have a drink with — a role model, not an idol. That’s why I wanted to explore some of the standout men, both from real life and fiction, who I think could serve as aspirational figures for today’s young men.

JEAN-LUC PICARD (Played by Patrick Stewart in Star Trek: The Next Generation)

This captain of a starship from the future is one of the best role models I can think of. He’s not flashy, but Picard literally carries the weight of thousands of people aboard his ship, as well as the responsibility of the Federation, on his shoulders. He’s a thoughtful, decisive leader who values diplomacy over aggression.

What also makes Picard a fantastic role model is that the series is set in the future, meaning we don’t have to worry about modern societal norms like owning a house or having a wife. Instead, we can take the concept of what makes a great man and test it over seven seasons and three movies in a purely fictional setting. What we learn is that Picard stands firm in his principles, even under immense pressure, but never lets rigidity cloud his judgment. He’s a lifelong learner who encourages others to think critically, leading with both wisdom and humility. He commands respect not through fear or dominance, but through integrity, determination, and a deep sense of fairness. Despite his authority, he treats everyone — regardless of rank, gender, or species — with dignity, proving that true leadership is built on both strength and compassion. For me, this is what being a man and being a leader looks like.

2. Chris Williamson (of the Modern Wisdom Podcast)

Williamson runs a podcast that captures the cultural zeitgeist of the moment without getting too embroiled in contentious issues. When it comes to masculinity, he strikes the right balance, navigating tricky cultural moments and issues that often get people cancelled just for discussing them. But rather than stirring controversy, Chris excels at intellectual curiosity — constantly seeking knowledge and sharing it with others.

He’s tapped into the need many men have for self-improvement, consistently advocating for discipline, better thinking, and personal growth, including habits of mind, physical fitness, nutrition, and treating others with respect. He brings on a diverse range of guests with completely different ideas, something a lot of men could benefit from. The world is complicated, and people think differently — cancelling someone or refusing to understand their perspective isn’t a sign of intelligence. Instead, being able to engage with different viewpoints, take away valuable lessons, and critically assess what works for you is a sign of a well-rounded man.

Williamson doesn’t shy away from making bold decisions himself, moving from the UK to America in pursuit of happiness. At this moment in history, I think many men are considering the need to move and build a life in new places. What’s paradoxically encouraging is that for all of his strengths, Chris is far from perfect. He sometimes overthinks, can be a perfectionist, gets too in the weeds, or just gets things wrong. But he’s always striving to be a better man and a better human being.

3. **Lucifer Morningstar (played by Tom Ellis in the TV series Lucifer)**

Some might think I’ve lost my marbles putting the literal Devil on a list of male role models, but hear me out.

First off, Lucifer dresses impeccably, drives a nice car, and has a stunning apartment. We live in a world where aesthetics matter — hello Instagram — and pretending men don’t care about looking good would be a lie. Plus, he can play the hell out of a piano, exudes charisma and confidence, and is quite the ladies’ (and gentlemen’s) man. A bisexual Lucifer reinforces that you don’t have to be straight to be a good male role model.

Looking deeper, Lucifer’s honesty is one of his best qualities. He never shies away from the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, and has an incredibly strong desire for justice. On the surface, Lucifer and justice might seem like an odd pairing, but his sense of fairness runs deep. He despises hypocrisy and believes that people should face the consequences of their actions — whether divine or earthly. This is why, in his extended sojourn from Hell, he partners with the LAPD, using his unique abilities to expose lies and uncover the truth, ensuring justice is served in his own unconventional way. Lucifer’s story is one of self-discovery and extraordinary personal growth, evolving from a self-indulgent playboy to a self-sacrificing hero. That’s the kind of redemption arc that can inspire anyone.

4. Nick Bateman (Model and Martial Artist)

Including a model and actor on a list of inspirational role models can be tricky, as it’s difficult to know the real person. But based on all available information, Nick Bateman ranks among the very best male role models I can think of.

Nick presents a personality I admire — confident and in control, yet cheeky and flirtatious. That sense of calm, of having your life together to the point where you can be playful, is something many men strive for. His masculinity is well-balanced, combining physical strength with a calm and respectful demeanour. He inspires confidence and self-assurance without arrogance, and his dedication to martial arts and fitness showcases that men can embrace both athleticism and artistry. What’s more, he has a family, and seeing him dedicate time to his wife and children — while still being playful and silly — demonstrates the balance many men seek between strength and warmth.

5. Chris Hemsworth

Chris Hemsworth is one of those rare Hollywood stars who actually seems to have his life together, which in itself is aspirational. Sure, he’s famous for playing Thor, but what makes him a great role model goes beyond just his acting career.

For starters, he’s disciplined and hardworking — whether it’s getting into peak shape for a role or pushing himself creatively, he doesn’t just rely on natural talent; he puts in the effort. Beyond that, he promotes a healthy lifestyle without being obnoxious about it. There’s no toxic “grindset” or extreme dieting, just an approach that encourages men to be strong, fit, and mentally sharp. He also prioritises family, openly making time for his wife and kids despite the demands of Hollywood. That balance between ambition and family life is something a lot of men want to master.

Finally, despite his fame, he remains humble and likeable — he doesn’t take himself too seriously, has fun with his characters, and comes across as the kind of guy who’d fit in at the pub just as easily as at a movie premiere. That mix of confidence, physicality, and groundedness makes him a solid role model for men.

6. Mark Consuelos (Actor and TV Host)

Mark Consuelos might not be the first name that comes to mind when you think of male role models, but he’s a highly successful and good-looking guy who’s been in a committed relationship with Kelly Ripa for over two decades. The loyalty, dedication, and sacrifice needed to make a relationship work long-term are something a lot of men could learn from. He also carries himself with effortless confidence. Whether acting, hosting, or just being himself, there’s a natural charm about Consuelos that never feels forced. He also dresses well — always stylish but never over-the-top, proving that a man can care about his appearance without being vain.

Another key factor is his work ethic. He’s found consistent success across different areas of entertainment, adapting and staying relevant without chasing trends or compromising who he is. Plus, he embraces being a family man — he and Kelly openly talk about parenting and navigating life together, showing that men can take pride in being hands-on fathers and discuss the challenges openly. Most men strive for status, achievement, family, and authenticity, but find them difficult to coexist. They could take more than a few cues from Consuelos.

Young men are not wrong to admire success, achievement, good looks, charisma, strength, ambition, and sexual prowess. But there is an abundance of fantastic male role models out there who do an infinitely better job of embodying these traits than Andrew Tate. From Keanu Reeves to Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, to Paul Rudd and Stephen Curry, there’s no shortage of men at the highest levels who embody confidence, excellence, and style while remaining humble, honorable, and genuinely nice guys. At the end of the day, we cannot condition or re-educate boys out of their masculinity, and attempting it will only end in disaster. Boys will be boys, so let’s inspire them to direct this energy in better ways.

Published Aug 15, 2025