Despoena Calypso
Despoena Calypso
Occupation: Ms. Atlanta Eagle
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
The Sex in My Business: As Ms. Atlanta Eagle, I represent my local queer leather community. My job is to host events and be a good representative of the Atlanta Eagle (Atlanta’s premier leather bar, which hosts the Atlanta Eagle pageant). My other responsibilities include teaching rope bondage and coordinating Atlanta Hitchin' Bitches (our local chapter of the international club for female rope bondage lovers).
A Typical Day: Most days are pretty chill — I get up and go to my Lois Lane job where I work as a financial controller. I am out as bisexual, poly, and a leather title holder at work, so there’s not much in the way of stress or secrets involved in my day-to-day. Weekends are what tends to bring my Ms. Eagle responsibilities into full swing. Some weekends I march for reproductive rights, others I serve drinks at the Atlanta Eagle. I also get to judge some title contests and offer educational classes to local and national community members. In past years, I have been an international bondage presenter, so I still do a lot of BDSM instruction — especially bondage, dollification, and puppy play for many groups.
The Best Part: As a feminine cis woman, I don’t see many lipstick ladies out in gay bars or at leather events. I really enjoy representing strong femininity, and being the big sister and mama bear for my local bar and community has been such a joy. Everyone needs a friendly place to go, a warm hug, and a pair of boots to kneel at. Creating safe queer spaces is my number one goal, along with promoting positive fem visibility that other women can benefit from.
The Worst Part: My least favorite part of the job is that there is simply too much to do and just not enough time and resources to make it happen. If every moment of each day was filled with Ms. Eagle responsibilities, I still wouldn’t be able to do everything I feel needs to be done to create a more bi-friendly and queer-influenced community.
How I Got Here: I have been into the leather lifestyle and in a leather family (the House of the Primal Kind) since I was in my early twenties. Before I found this community I was a stripper, so I’ve been interacting with alternative lifestyles my entire adult life. I never had much interest in the pageantry or titles of the leather community until I visited the Atlanta Eagle and saw how I could plug in and love my local leather folks. During the interview portion of the contest I was asked why I wanted to be Ms. Atlanta Eagle, but the microphone went dead right as I tried to explain that I wanted to be a good hostess and big sister to the community. In frustration with the mic, I looked out at the packed audience and shouted: “I want to be your mom and love you.” That is what stuck.
What Society Thinks: My vanilla family thinks what I do is pretty strange, but I had been preparing them for several years before I actually ran for the Ms. Atlanta Eagle title so they were not terribly shocked when I stepped into the role. My partners have all been amazingly supportive — I am so grateful for their understanding that this sash is another relationship I am involved in. As for the general public, I wear my sash most places I go — airports, baseball games, and even grocery shopping on occasion. When people ask what it’s about I tell them I am a welcoming hostess of the Atlanta Eagle and the sash represents my commitment to create safe queer spaces. I also tell them that I want to know their story. Typically, asking people about themselves and their desires leads to engaging conversations.
When I’m Not At Work: I have several lovers and love spending time with them and my small dog. I quilt, garden, and play many musical instruments, and also enjoy camping during the cooler seasons. Bread making has eluded me thus far, but I keep trying because one of these days it’s going to taste great.
Published in Issue V: Taboos